Looking back to when I first found out I was pregnant and comparing that experience to today, in terms of my thoughts on the whole deal, I have done a near 360. I went from being completely terrified and against the idea of being pregnant (it wasn’t planned–at least not in THIS plane of existance/universe) to thinking the following:
I should have done this 20 years ago!
Why did I wait so long?
I cannot WAIT to be a mama!
I love being pregnant!
I love having this precious, miraculous, beautiful reminder of life growing inside of me!
And the most shocking of all:
I may just want to do this again.
!!!
I’m 44. I want to do this AGAIN?
6 months ago I was telling - commanding - Mr. Mama2be that once I delivered, he was going to get himself snipped. No questions asked.
Today I’m saying “let’s just wait awhile”.
It’s a concept he’s totally open to for he himself has been thinking, “You know, we may just want to have another…”
The other night while lying in bed, I thought about how in just 3 months, the whole pregnancy experience will be all over.
Again, I was surprised at my initial thought process and emotions experienced:
Oh, no! Which was followed by this deep sense of sadness and grief.
Well yeah, but just think of what you will be able to do again, I tried reasoning with myself. I’ll be able to sleep on my back and tummy again. I’ll be able to lie down on my tummy in bed and read and journal. I’ll be able to roll out of bed without pushing myself up and grunting. I won’t have to put antacids on the grocery list. I won’t have to wake up frequently through the night to pee or to walk off a leg cramp. Pillows will just be pillows and not some sort of necessity for comfort. I’ll be able to bend down and get back up without having to ask for help or putting my hand on a nearby shelf or whatever to push myself back up. I’ll be able to see, well, certain parts of my body again when I look down. I’ll be able to shave my legs without pushing my belly aside.
Yeah, I know, but still, we’ll no longer be pregnant. We won’t be able to feel life inside of us anymore. We won’t have people showering us with smiles and questions (I happen to be one of those pregnant women who, as long as I’m not being questioned for my choice, LOOOOOOVES this extra attention!!). And, well, we won’t be pregnant anymore! …my emotional heart answered back.
As a friend said, suddenly you will be ending one experience and starting a new one just as suddenly.
Yeah, I said. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess it will be a mourning period I will go through for a little while. Although I am sure my new role as mama along with my ability to walk and sleep more normally again will pull me through the adjustment quite quickly, where I will likely be totally content with just having one child.
If not, there’s always pregnancy numero dos…
